@Social_Mime: I'm at the age where if I took an oatmeal bath I would want to add blueberries.
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@bobbiejo448: Every time I use <3 in an @ to someone, I can't help but think, "Please accept this carrot with balls as a token of how much I heart you."
@BuckyIsotope: Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?
@putyoursisterd1: Before we get too excited about rising follower counts, it's good to remember that people also stop to look at accidents.
@generaldietz: Little Old Lady: i want to put my house on the market Realtor: ok, where is it? Little Old Lady: um, right here Realtor: thats... *sighs* thats a shoe Little Old Lady: it's my home Realtor: do you at least have the other shoe? Little Old Lady: i cant even afford this one