@Social_Mime: I'm at the age where if I took an oatmeal bath I would want to add blueberries.
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@mrjohndarby: In the middle of an important meeting I quietly pass my boss a post-it note. It just says 'girl cats have wherskers'. He nods
@DivorceDad: I just got this twitter error: "The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it." Apparently, twitter thinks we're married.
@Marcmywords2: Text: OMG! I can't believe you tweet such vile, offensive, filthy, sick things. You should be removed from society. GET HELP! Love Mom XO
@AbrasiveGhost: ME: [on the phone] Plz come home from work WIFE: Why ME: Theres a spider in the bathroom WIFE: so kill it ME:[whispering] its got my gun