@MagsWoodward: I'm beginning to think my best chance of fame is if someone names a syndrome after me.
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@PaperWash: *Takes ex girlfriend's poem on Antiques Road Show* Sir these are worthless *Winks at camera* Told you Karen!
@baseballchickie: First rule of being Italian is to tell everyone you're Italian. (I can say this cause I'm Italian.)
@_breannuh: This fitness girl I follow on insta TREATED herself today with regular eggs instead of egg whites... eggs bro.. I will never be fit
@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he's wearing TOMS and you can't stop laughing.