@ThinkingSavage: I'm boycotting 50 Shades of Grey because it perpetuates the stereotype that men can change.
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@imchriskelly: i want the first line of my obituary to be about how i once used an umbrella three different times before losing it
@HeidiGolightly: Do I still have feelings for my ex husband? Yes. I think "stabby" is a feeling, right?
@bourgeoisalien: Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be? Me: Can they both be dead?
@Cheeseboy22: I think my family is really going to dig the 15 minute powerpoint I've created of the things I am thankful for at Thanksgiving dinner.