@FilthyRichmond: I'm calling about the poster for your missing cat. Why not ask the guy who took that picture? Just kidding, I ran over it.
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@PhilLaysheO: Just left a note on the ex's car saying "I STILL LOVE YOU" hope it doesn't go unnoticed. I keyed it in pretty deep.
@AndyAsAdjective: *sips some coffee & interrupts break room conversation* "Technically we're all under the weather today unless you're an astronaut in orbit"
@ShortWhiteNUgly: My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
@ojedge: Lambs: "BAAAAAAAAA!!!" Hannibal Lecter: "Shhhhhh!" Lambs: "Baaaa!" Hannibal Lecter: "Shhhh…" Lambs: "…" Hannibal Lecter: "Much better."