@Phook75: I'm certain my job is interfering with my drinking
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@sgothreau: What the hell Hollywood? I've never had to rub blood between my fingers to know that it's blood.
@Awesome_Todd: Never run with scissors. Unless... • You stole them • You're running a 400 meter scissor relay • You're being chased by giant paper dolls
@joejwest: ME: [bumps man] MAN: [spills coffee] Say sorry ME: No MAN: Then I'll see you in court ME: [remembers I own a camouflage suit] You won't