@Phook75: I'm certain my job is interfering with my drinking
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@JamieGreenlees: I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
@NoticablyBacon: Its a little cheesy but holding up a boom box outside her window and blasting the song "Cotton Eye Joe" will win her back everytime
@NickMotown: To back up his "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" theory, Newton should've released one simultaneously saying "no it doesn't"
@Robert_Beau: At the motel: Front Desk: And here's your key card sir .. Me: I'd like a wakeup call. FD: You're 20 lbs. overweight and your fly's open.