@Brianhopecomedy: I'm circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, "BRAKES!".
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@fro_vo: [on a date] Me: so how bout *seductively takes a bite of an orange* we go to my place Date: you’re supposed to peel that first
@VanVeenB: Dance like nobody's watching you. 'Cause they're not. Nobody cares. ~Inspirational tweet~
@SaraMansford: Maybe artists wouldn't be so starving all the time if they'd just eat all that fruit they're always painting.
@PrettyInCamo11: You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one