@Brianhopecomedy: I'm circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, "BRAKES!".
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@PaperWash: [Jesus opens his fortune cookie] SOMEONE WILL BETRAY YOU "Uh oh" YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS ARE 4 2 0 6 9 "Haha nice!"
@JohnLyonTweets: I'm scared to open any email with a photo attachment because of all this talk about photobombing.
@TheDarkSideCEO: Optimistic Thought of the Day: You are always 1/3 of the way towards having a threesome.
@ThisOneSayz: No thanks, heavy metal concert. If I want lots of screaming without understanding the words I'll just hang out with my toddler.