@ieatanddrink: I'm confused about plants
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@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I really like a man who notices things. ME: [trying to impress] Your eyebrows make you look like an Angry Bird.
@murrman5: [looking at wife's tombstone] today would've been our anniversary *falls to knees* why did I pre-buy her tombstone causing her to divorce me
@SteveSuckington: [blind date] HER: lmao! You seriously wore pajamas on a first date? ME: hey!! You're not blind!!