@CrankyPappy: I'm constantly amazed that only 26 letters in the alphabet can produce so much bullshit.
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@Mikecanrant: I'm not racist. I hate all races equally. Especially the 100 meter dash. All short and Olympickish.
@jakob_huber: Jealous that secret agents can get out of any phone conversation at any time by saying "it's not safe to talk on the phone right now"
@tastefactory: There's a spider that's been in the same place on my living room wall for an hour so he's essentially also watching Shrek.
@JasonCarney31: Jesus draws a bath after an exhausting day, gets in "Damn it, c'mon, not again!" he says as he sits on top of the water, unable to submerge