@CrankyPappy: I'm constantly amazed that only 26 letters in the alphabet can produce so much bullshit.
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@SlipperySecret: Sorry I called you "sexy" and didn't really mean it, but I was hungry and you were a mirage of pizza.
@bad_as_you_want: Found my 16yr old daughters Twitter today, made her deactivate it...after I copied all of her best material to my draft folder of course
@PaperWash: [calls work] I'm sorry I can't come into work today "is everything alright?" [getting owned in an argument on YouTube] no