@N0pantz: I'm convinced some of you are here because someone didn't properly lock your cage.
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@WilliamRodgers: This guy at the bar wouldn't shut up about how Zombies "could be real" So I killed him... If he comes back...He wins the argument
@lovemydogduck: Dear Santa, My ex was very naughty this year. But I was very good. So you can just send me all his presents.
@NicestHippo: WIFE: He thinks he's a news anchor DOCTOR: Is this true ME: [stacking papers & talking inaudibly as the camera zooms out]
@1BigMick: When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work.