@plumbur: I'm convinced that my washing machine is a portal to a world where one-legged men hop around in my socks.
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@andiedandie0: Just realized my undies are on inside out .. Was gonna change them around . but I figured let the other side get sum action for a change .
@JennyPentland: "Mommy, I don't wanna grow up and die!" "Oh. Well, you can die at any age, really."
@Kyle_Raney: "I'd like to make a toast." - piece of toast telling her toast husband she wants to start a family
@Schmoodles: My friend texts "ur" instead of "you're" but puts extra letters in "so" because she's "soooo happy." This is why everyone hates you, Julie.