@alli_win: I'm convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
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@ninjadinosaur1: My neighbour said I'm not allowed to feed the baby raccoons living in their shed. I wonder if they'd prefer left over chicken to sandwiches
@SamDelanche: I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
@wickedimproper: I'm so old I thought "stfu" was a reminder to pack my "shoes, tie, fedora, underpants."