@AimeeHelene1: I'm convinced that this trip to Toronto will end with my being arrested for not being nice enough.
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@Parker_Simpson: We're probably like 10 years away from ppl running for president strictly for more Twitter followers
@MandiAtRandom: Him: Will you marry me? Me: omg what did I do, why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?
@capnmcfword: If you can tell from my eye contact at the grocery store that I'm inviting you to race shopping carts, you're my kinda people.
@causticbob: Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?