@MauriceBlitz: I'm convinced when squirrels run the road, nearly missing your car, it must be some kind of squirrel gang initiation.
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@iloveskyrim71: I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark! Help! I just laughed, i knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: My daughter found a new boyfriend. I'm just glad the police haven't found the old one.
@CDMEclairs: Angry Birds for Olympics: Instead of hitting two birds with one stone, here you can hit two stones with one bird.
@novicefather: [cuddling] her: what are you thinking about? me: these pretzels are making me thirsty