@TheCatWhisprer: I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.
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@felixoshea: If Superman were a realtor, he could describe literally any apartment in the world as 'a stone's throw from the beach'.
@david8hughes: [speaking at funeral] Deceased's brother: there's no words to describe the anguish we all feel right now Me: what about 'anguish'?
@PaperWash: [interview at a clothing store] be cool, don't let them know you're a dog "so what color is this dress?" oh you gotta be kidding me
@velweb: My 12 yr. old girl is having a sleepover tonight. She told me, "DO NOT EMBARRASS ME!" I'm considering twerking to Ace of Base later.