@Swishergirl24: I'm developing an app that makes a cricket sound effect at the end of my coworkers' stories.
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@sarcasticmommy4: Sometimes passing by a nursing home is the only reminder I need to go buy my kids whatever they want.
@TheToddWilliams: [Japan] HEAD SCIENTIST: Hey, what did you guys do with all the nuclear waste? *distant Godzilla noises*
@Thedudish: Is it true animals can sense danger? The cat's been wearing a helmet all week, and it makes me nervous.
@Tups13: I've discovered the best way to get attention is to sit on the coffee table and meow loudly.