@markleggett: I'm disappointed to see that a lot of women are using "period tracker apps" now, instead of the shared Google spreadsheet I set up.
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@Mr_Kapowski: I hired a personal trainer and my first 2 hour-long sessions were just him teaching me how to properly cut the sleeves off my t-shirts
@MatCro: NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*
@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old hasn't said a word in the car after I convinced him that the volume control on our stereo ejects his car seat.
@kDuncanG: my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget: · RENT: $800 · GAS: $200 · CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750 me: ur right, i need a cheaper place.