@markleggett: I'm disappointed to see that a lot of women are using "period tracker apps" now, instead of the shared Google spreadsheet I set up.
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@bryanmcc74: Finally I have an excuse for getting fat, heard on radio about girl who been eating in her sleep ... That's it, I've got that !
@SondraDeeMe: When my boyfriend gives me a hug during an argument, it looks loving, but I'm just patting him down to make sure he's not wearing a wire.
@AnkCoupleTO: [speaking at an AA meeting] Me: You'll find the transition from hard liquor to hard drugs expensive, but very rewarding *everyone cheers*
@pleatedjeans: [interviewing cave bat] me: any disadvantages to hanging upside down? Bat: [pee rolling down his face] Yes, one.