@markleggett: I'm disappointed to see that a lot of women are using "period tracker apps" now, instead of the shared Google spreadsheet I set up.
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@lovemydogduck: I WAS LIKE AND HE WAS LIKE AND I WAS LIKE AND SHE WAS LIKE (The speech impediment of the 21st century)
@yonewt: Is it that you think I can't eat this rotisserie chicken with my bare hands while driving 75 mph, or that I won't? Either way, you're wrong.
@angibangie: [both kids on my lap] Me:This is so nice 5yo:Mommy your breath stinks. M: I carried you for 9 months! 4yo:Why didn't you use a stroller?
@joejwest: HANG GLIDER COP: I see a crime happening directly below me [glides on] Not much I can do