@Molly_Kats: I'm doing my own taxes so I'll probably be in jail this time next year.
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@Christweetpher_: [black jack] DEALER: 14 ME: hit me D: 16 M: hit me D: 23 M: hit me D: M: D: M: make it look good so my wife believes I was mugged
@phalguy: How do Tie Fighter pilots see sideways? How do Stormtroopers go to the bathroom? *Star Wars thoughts that keep me awake at night.
@MarkusJ: *first astronaut lands on Mars* NASA: How does it feel son? Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band
@TheGladStork: Wife: why are you smiling? [realizing if Blue from Blue's Clues and Clifford had puppies they'd be purple] Me: I was thinking about you.