@meganamram: I'm donating my body to science. I'm getting sick of it taking up space in the freezer.
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@bobvulfov: WAITER: how was everything ME: [rubbing belly] so delicious. thank u WAITER: great. please stop rubbing my belly
@Ygrene: Know why I pulled you over? "No sir" 1987, 7-11 on Main, you paid for Coke but filled your cup with Slurpee. We gotcha. We finally gotcha
@candace_9871: It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life.
@seejaylinco: please stop asking me to change my password, i'm getting tired of renaming my cat all the time