@Sarcasticsapien: I'm done congratulating people for having babies. Parents have been getting praise for having sex incorrectly for way too long.
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@punmagnate: Sup girl, I hear u like bad boys *I open the wrong side of juice carton* *evil spirit flies out* Oh, so that's why they say don't do that
@Jandalize: I accidental typed sinroof instead of sunroof and I may have just invented the greatest thing ever.
@DarzieDAMN: That artsy picture you took of your Jack Daniels really spoke to me. It said "This persons an alcoholic but still takes decent pictures."
@Rollinintheseat: I wonder why nobody told Forrest Gump's mom that all you have to do is flip over the box of chocolates and it tells you what's inside.