@CatherineLMK: I'm dressing for the weather I desperately want, not the weather I currently have.
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@Hobo_Splendido: All these years you thought your grandma had Alzheimers, and turns out she just didn't want to talk to you.
@muyrando: If any of my ex-girlfriends are reading this, I want you to know I'm eating chicken nuggets with THREE different dipping sauces, you blew it
@pplwtching: As a precautionary measure, the last time my mom asked me to help with her phone, I made sure to delete the Twitter app.