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@jonnysun: 5 lil monkeys jumping on the bed one fell off & bumped his head called the doctor & the doctor said U DO NOT HAVE A PERMIT FOR THESE ANIMALS
@maughammom: I'd say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we're not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, ice dispenser..
@AndyAsAdjective: COWORKER: big weekend plans? ME: fulfilling the blood prophecy…you? CW: what? M: what? CW: did you say- M: neighborhood barbecue, yes
@JediGigi: *eats pizza out of box in bed *falls asleep *wakes up next to leftover pizza Voila! Breakfast in bed!