@My_Ego_Altered: I'm eating a bottle of glitter so when I get drunk and throw up tonight people will think I'm a unicorn in human form.
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@theDanLawler: No thanks, newborn babies of literally any species on planet Earth. Come back when you're less pink & rubbery & can loan me thirty dollars.
@OneTrickTofani: "GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL" "Sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse" "Oh rad bring it in"
@MableGertrude: Oh, so you make the bed everyday...I suppose you're also the type of snob that folds your clothes and puts them in "drawers."
@WillHinsa: My new years resolution is to stop biting my toenails. Nervous habit I picked up during all these meetings at work.