@KateWhineHall: I'm eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it's six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I'm still better than you.
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@LordofScribble: As founder and CEO of YOLO Guaranteed, my first product launch will be fishnet parachutes.
@Mr_Kapowski: I hired a personal trainer and my first 2 hour-long sessions were just him teaching me how to properly cut the sleeves off my t-shirts
@Shock_Monster: Him: Come check out my church! Me: Him: They play rock music! Me: Him: It's cool! Me: Does it have church in it? Him: Yes... Me: *click*
@MrSandeepP: Apparently you're not supposed to tell "That's what she said jokes" during the Board meeting because it's "inappropriate"