@that1bish27: I'm eating this banana sideways so my husband doesn't get the wrong idea.
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@daemonic3: The 1st rule of idiom club is loose lips sink ships. The 2nd rule is don't let the cat out of the bag. Last but not least, the 3rd rule.
@fuzzlime: put a pic of a girl with perfect abs on my fridge so I'm motivated to suck in my gut every time I pull out the ice cream
@ChrisEdCaruso: Good cop: where's the body? Bad cop: answer him! *pounds table* Jenga cop: God damn it!
@Brampersandon_: [soup kitchen] *homeless man is handed a plate* What the hell is this? -Turkey bacon. *throws tray against wall* I'm hungry! Not desperate!