@ByYourLogic: i'm every guy who says he's taking a twitter break for mental health reasons and then returns 6 hours later
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@Playing_Dad: [At Last Supper] *Jesus raises bread* This is my body *raises wine* & my blood *pulls out 8 of Clubs* & this is your card *Apostles go nuts*
@jordan_stratton: Please stop telling me how long your baby is in inches. I need something more visually relatable. Oh, your baby was 3.5 hot dogs long? Cool.
@StevieKnip: [accidentally hits Siri in high school classroom] Siri: what can I do for you, #1 God of Sex? [every boy in the class checks their phone]