@just1fool: I'm excited for the zombie apocalypse so I can trap famous dead celebrities and make the best Broadway show ever assembled.
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@slimmy_shady: My neighbour hit the post reversing out of the driveway. He hit the poor man delivering it too.
@theresa_lauren: "Yes, I'm still single and underemployed, but at least I'm not MARRYING CHARLES MANSON" --women at family holiday gatherings from now on
@shutupmikeginn: If you're ever bored in a taxi I recommend mouthing, "Help Me" to strangers and watching their facial expressions