@just1fool: I'm excited for the zombie apocalypse so I can trap famous dead celebrities and make the best Broadway show ever assembled.
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@iQuoteComedy: That awkward moment when you're scuba diving and you see adele rolling in the deep.
@jwoodham: Most people don't know this, but the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they lost their damn minds.
@DaddyJew: Legend has it that if you don't look a coworker in the eye they won't stop to tell you about their weekend.