@just1fool: I'm excited for the zombie apocalypse so I can trap famous dead celebrities and make the best Broadway show ever assembled.
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@ericsshadow: [phone rings in 1984] "Eric get the phone" Hello? "Tell em I'm not home." She's not home. "Ask who it is." My mom wants to know who this is.
@TheRobCee: Got kicked off the cruise ship after three day of constantly saying "poop deck" & snickering.
@NoBadHairDays2: A friend asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. My response: Oh, about 20 minutes.
@amishschool: This guy in my office is a little paranoid and it's making it that much harder to poison him.