@shelldash: I'm extremely grateful that spiders don't scream back.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: You can just keep that pen. Coworker: Sure? Me: Yeah. I noticed you don't wash your hands in the restroom. Cw.. Me: I told everyone.
@YSK_MOtiVe: My mum needs to stop using all the blenders for stew.. It's pissing me off having spicy Oreo milkshake
@PissingLaughter: Fake moms- 'I never want to be away from my children' Real moms- 'You drop that pizza, I'll put you up for adoption'
@yayraptor: ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking please keep your seatbelt on as we--OH MY GOD [plane flies into a giant baby mouth]