@outsmartedmommy: I'm fairly certain that watching paint dry & waiting for a pot to boil take less time than anything a 3yo insists they will do without help.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Well this is awkward. Apparently when my wife's friend invited me over for a play-date I was supposed to bring my kids.
@philyuck: Dominos dropped the “pizza” from its name because they’re not legally allowed to call that pizza.
@2015_sucks: If you like the song "Red Red Wine" then U B 40.
@FatherWithTwins: My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.
@SamGrittner: Baller is short for ballerina
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