@outsmartedmommy: I'm fairly certain that watching paint dry & waiting for a pot to boil take less time than anything a 3yo insists they will do without help.
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@brianbowman73: Interviewer: Name some of your weaknesses. Me: I procrastinate. Haphazard, cantankerous... Interviewer: Strengths? Me: Vocabulary?
@DaddyJew: Doctor: are u high? Me: no, why? D: bc ur dressed like Batman M: well maybe Batman dresses like me D:... M: alright yea im a lil high
@TheBoydP: [God making sausages] Angel: What's next? God: Take these extra parts, grind them up and stuff them in a casing *1 angel faints, 2 vomit*
@Writethatdown12: Trainer: "ok, lets warm up 1st....wait, where are you going!?" Me: "tanning bed"
@whostrevors: A moment of silence for the fat friend in a group of girls who can't jump high enough to be in the "mid air" beach picture :(
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