@RidiculousSheri: I'm fat, but not accidentally give birth in the Walmart bathroom because I didn't know I was pregnant, fat.
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@freypalm: Driver: My God… that weasel… Onlooker: He just went… “pop”… Weasel’s family: *sobbing* Ice-cream man: I’ve got an idea for a song y’all.
@UncleDuke1969: “Your keys are over THERE.” - Wow. You have eagle eyes! “Yup. My vision is 20/20.” - No. I mean they’re small, beady & kinda close together.
@Teowulf: I just had to add "velociraptor" to my Microsoft Word dictionary because apparently I missed the dinosaurs expansion pack or something.
@Maxine12339: Unscramble: pnise If you got spine, you are correct. The rest of you have been on twitter too long.