@RidiculousSheri: I'm fat, but not accidentally give birth in the Walmart bathroom because I didn't know I was pregnant, fat.
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@TheToddWilliams: [China] "You have to get good grades" KID: But it's so hard! "We're Can-tonese not Cant-tonese" KID: You gotta admit that's a bit confusing
@sock_holliday: The person that invented toilet paper is easily the most under-appreciated hero in human history
@ibid78: DISPATCH: we have a report of a robbery in progress four blocks from your current location HOT AIR BALLOON COP: I'll be there in 80 days