@stewnami: I'm fat, so when I get mad, I get massive aggressive.
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@WorldofWid: Be advised Ladies: Once I show you my Knight Rider lunchbox from 1985, foreplay has officially begun.
@tastefactory: [ghost writes YOUR DEAD in condensation on bathroom mirror] "My dead what?" [ghost writes *YOU'RE] AAHHHHHHHHHH!
@gruffybeard: Her: I need a living will. Me: *wiping blood off knife* I've got a dead Steve. Close enough?
@cray_at_home_ma: In case you're considering having kids, I've been awake since sunrise trying to fulfill breakfast requests of: 1. Pancakes 2. Pizza 3. Green