@introvertedwife: I'm for traditional marriage, mostly because I want to know how many goats I'm worth.
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@Fred_Delicious: [goes to museum of fine art] "Just how fine can this art be, anyway" [sees a vase in a thong] "oh damn"
@DontTouchMyWine: Whoa. Wait a minute. So those stick figures on your car aren’t for pedestrians you ran over? Damn it! *starts scraping off her stickers*
@notorious_stars: My girlfriend looks super hot without glasses. That's why I stopped Wearing them
@2tickytacky: If mobile wallets do away with credit cards, they'll need to come up with an app that can scrape my windshield.