@WilliamAder: I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.
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@NYC_Blonde: You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it date an emotionally available, age-appropriate, nice, single guy with a good job.
@keeperoftheday: Girl: come over. Guy: I'm coming over. Girl: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over.
@Just__J0: [Text] 18: This Hotel wants me to pay for Wi-Fi?! Me: You do know someone pays for Wi-Fi at home too, right?