@WilliamAder: I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.
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@KeetPotato: [1st day as cop] captain: "why did you call for back up" me: "there was a fly in my car" swat team leader: "what exactly do you think we do"
@gerryhallcomedy: Sadly learned my family is racist. I started dating a black girl. Brought her home to meet the family. Wife and kids wouldn't talk to her.
@Adar79Angie: Dude, I'd love to go out with you, but this one person 80s dance party in my living room isn't going to host itself.