@MondayPajamas: I'm "friends with beneficiaries" years old.
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@ThaJawn: Dad: This note from your calligraphy teacher is very concerning... and stunningly beautiful
@daemonic3: ME: *reads mac & cheese box* Stir cheese sauce every 5m to keep creamy [4yrs later] ME: *still stirring every 5m* Please.. I have a family
@BobTheSuit: Me: So, what do you do for a living? Her: I flip houses. Me: You must have incredible lower back strength. Her: You're an idiot.