@IwanWil: I'm getting really good at this parenting thing. I just secretly ate 3 oreos while my kids were in the same room.
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@InternetHippo: What should we call this portable computer? SOME GUY: Laptop [everyone applauds…w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer]
@Marlebean: "They say children learn by example, even for potty training." -I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn