@IwanWil: I'm getting really good at this parenting thing. I just secretly ate 3 oreos while my kids were in the same room.
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@TheNardvark: The movie Scarface taught us that abusing cocaine can lead to making bad decisions--for example: the script, the soundtrack, and the acting.
@trevso_electric: Ask your Doctor if Adderall can help you vigorously scrub your floors and alphabetize your clothing instead of studying.
@PinkCamoTO: *planning family vacation* Me: So what about camping? Them: We love camping! Me: Great! I'll drop you off on my way to the spa.
@TheCatWhisprer: Based on her reaction I don't think my toddler will ever forgive me for gently wiping her face.