@Ideal_Victoria: I’m getting tired of always having to slowly raise my hand every time someone angrily asks, “Who does something like that?!”
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@NinjaSweatpants: Getting asked 'you want a fork' by a hot Chinese waitress is misleading as fork to my american ears
@PaperWash: [while titanic is sinking] me: [mouth full of shrimp at the buffet] I can't believe no one is eating these lol
@topaz_kell: [impatiently yells] "What do I have to do to get a margarita around here??" And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen.