@Ideal_Victoria: I’m getting tired of always having to slowly raise my hand every time someone angrily asks, “Who does something like that?!”
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@ShortSleeveSuit: Bank robber: I got the money! Let's get outta here! Me [waiting outside on our getaway unicycle]: *rings bike bell*
@buttcrunchy: "honey why is our water bill so high?" *water bill sits there holding a bong* hahahah duuuude i don't know man. DORITOS. DO WE HAVE DORITOS?
@Bill_Nye_tho: i just finished breaking bad. what happens to hanks minerals. I don't like loose ends man. what happened to the minerals
@TamiDaBushPilot: I put my pants on just like everybody else, by getting my toes caught in the knee hole hopping around and ultimately taking out a lamp on my way down.