@Xoolun: I'm getting worried about this Ebola virus.
I mean, I've got Norton but.
@causticbob: I have started a band called Free Beer.
When people see our sign 'Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM' I'm sure everyone is going to be there.
@JosesLovesYou: The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
@funnyordie: Want to make a nerd's head explode? Go to any site that posted the new Star Wars trailer & write "Where's Captain Kirk?" in the comments.
@SirEviscerate: I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The piñata is unscathed.
@FrenulumBreve: [love making]
Her: [leans in] "do that thing you know I like."
[i cease to exist]
Her: "yeah baby."