@Xoolun: I'm getting worried about this Ebola virus.
I mean, I've got Norton but.
@daemonic3: [rolls down car window]
"Sir there's a baby on your roof!"
Wait, if the baby is there... [sees coffee strapped in car seat]
Oh thank god!
@tealbluejay: Putting clothes on an animal is like putting on an overcoat over your overcoat.
@Pro_Jones_: Me: Boss our sales are really going updog.
Boss: You mean up?
Me: No, updog.
Boss: What's updog?
Me: Not our sales. We're bankrupt.
@RobDenBleyker: Kids: Always remember to brush your drugs and don't do teeth.
@o__0Dev: VW have got in2 trouble 4 falsifying data, apparently this is not d first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying abt gas emissions