@Xoolun: I'm getting worried about this Ebola virus.
I mean, I've got Norton but.
@Branka_R: My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
@chimneyspotter: I would describe most of my social interactions at parties as "when you turn on the kitchen faucet and the water hits a spoon in the sink"
@Home_Halfway: Colonel Mustard. In the kitchen. Eating soup. Calm down.
@TheMichaelRock: Adult me: I wish I was a kid again.
Kid me: I wish I was a dinosaur! RaWr!
@DaddyJew: [on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll]
Are you sure you're ok?