@mdob11: I'm giving up for Lent.
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@PajamaStew: Bad Coroner: This guy you brought in a few days ago, I think I know how he died. The last thing he ate was spaghetti with bullets in it.
@weinerdog4life: Maybe the Titanic sank because there were too many cats onboard, you don't know.
@flashember: ME: Where are the posters? WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! [In other room] *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*
@shariv67: The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.