@sageboggs: I'm glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: While it's true that gay marriage doesn't nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it's not your birthday anymore.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Did you just put your fingers in my drink? 5yo: I don't have poison on my fingers! Me: But why did you....wait, what?
@DillDoes: Dude the goverment isn't spying on you. You're not interesting *meanwhile in a secret base* "dont let him say that to you. You're amazing"