@NASHterpiece: I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.
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@yenniwhite: Goals for my kids before I had them: teach them Spanish, only use positive reinforcement, never yell. After: get them to put on pants.
@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 2001. Holland legalized assisted suicide for those with terminal illnesses or "It's a Small World" stuck in their head.
@LoneWolfStories: Sometimes I like to surprise my neighbours by smiling and waving back at them.
@delusionaliam: "Hey! check out my new ink" *removes shirt, stands naked* "Dude!, I don't see anything" "It's invisible ink"