@CloydRivers: I'm glad school taught me the Pythagorean theorem instead of how to do my taxes. It came in really handy this Pythagorean theorem season. 🇺🇸
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@stevevsninjas: Surgeon: Appendectomies are tricky, you sure you got this? Dr. Wacky Inflatable Tube Man: *flings scalpel into ceiling* You bet!
@RamblingMachine: You think your spouse loves you?Put them & a dog in the trunk of the car for a day. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?
@birbigs: At jury duty they said, "You do not have to be fluent in English." So what you're supposed to do is just guess if the guy is innocent.