@CloydRivers: I'm glad school taught me the Pythagorean theorem instead of how to do my taxes. It came in really handy this Pythagorean theorem season. 🇺🇸
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@delusions_of: I try to pick my battles wisely but earlier I slapped a microwave while screaming at it.
@pleatedjeans: [first date] girl: I bet you're really cute under those glasses [removes frames/is instantly obliterated by Cyclops' optic blast]
@mejustbeth: Current status: I just turned on the garbage disposal so the cats wouldn't hear me getting the cheese out of the fridge.