@CheryeDavis: I'm glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
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@PLATINUM2000: Me: I killed another one, boss. Mob boss: You don't work for me. Me: I volunteered. Mob boss:*Looking angry* Me: I'm gonna get back to work.
@krisv_723: Of course I work out. I do burpees after drinking pop. I do lunges to grab the last slice of pizza & squats if I drop it.
@Playing_Dad: [Rappers job interview] Boss: What is your biggest weakness? Me: My rhyme game is weak. I can't speak. I'm a geek. Birds have feathers.
@NicestHippo: "Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?" - podium salesman