@CheryeDavis: I'm glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
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@Home_Halfway: ASTRONAUT 1:So sorry ASTRONAUT 2: My condolences ASTRONAUT 3: Forgive us ~~The crew of the Apollo-G
@zarascottio: Don't judge me for my race, don't judge me for my gender. Judge me because I've read all four of the Twilight books.
@FinallyHeSleeps: My kids heard, "Sorry. Life is over as you know it. May as well curl up and die." What she said was, "Sorry, our shake machine is down."
@KeetPotato: dad: "start a rumour so people are scared of you" me: "ok" [later] cellmate: "i kill people for money" me: "i brush my teeth with hot water"