@KentWGraham: I’m glad we evolved from apes. If we evolved from chameleons, we’d constantly be walking into each other.
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@MrsRupertPupkin: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can cry when the girl you used to babysit gets engaged before you do.
@farleftcoast: I should really stop getting stoned before I shower. I think I just washed my hair 16 times.
@senderblock23: BAE: come over ME: we live together im sitting right here BAE: my parents arent home ME: what is wrong with you
@PaperWash: [handing out condoms to trick or treaters] give these to your parents, I don't want more of you coming back next year