@RhinoUR: I'm Godzilla's gift to women!!!
*walks around toy store
destroying doll houses*
@raniao2011: Dear axe body spray,
Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles.
Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
@WilliamAder: I have patio furniture in the friend zone.
@ValeeGrrl: He took both kids grocery shopping by himself so I could "relax" so now I'm sitting here suspicious that he's done something to piss me off.
@TheBoydP: "Go ahead caller"
Why radio DJ's should never work a suicide hotline...
@thejessbess: Date: So, what are you passionate about?
Me: Haha, have you heard of gravy?