@1Happytwit: I'm going commando for Valentines day. He's going to be so surprised when I parachute into his yard and blow up his house.
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@Ivsy01: A guy in line just asked me to hold his coffee and I'm like I'm not looking for anything serious right now.
@causticbob: I had a few too many beers at an art exhibition and threw up all over the floor. Someone offered me three grand for it.
@Not_a_JesusGirl: I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"