@inmynewskin: I’m going on an all breadcrumb diet because I’ve never seen a duck with a double chin.
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@samalmightysam: The world would be a better place if everybody drank alcohol. It would get even better if some of them choked on it.
@TheAlexNevil: *watching an old Lassie show Me: How come you can't do those things? Dog (mutters): If we had a well I'd push you into it.
@SufficientCharm: The easiest way to confuse a man is to wear a straight jacket that accentuates your cleavage.
@jordan_stratton: Note to Self: In future interviews, don't say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.