@inmynewskin: I’m going on an all breadcrumb diet because I’ve never seen a duck with a double chin.
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@mellimelle: Packing for a trip, Husband says I don't need to overpack. It is so cute how he thinks I'm coming back.
@topaz_kell: When there's a police car behind you with their lights flashing... It means speed up, right?
@Underchilde: You think you’re not capable of violence, but then a bird sings at 6AM and you start researching surface-to-air missiles.
@HeyZeus666: Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.