@inmynewskin: I’m going on an all breadcrumb diet because I’ve never seen a duck with a double chin.
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@LauraBenanti: I wore a leather jacket into a vegan restaurant and now I'm hiding in the bathroom.
@CulturedRuffian: Her: I like long walks on the beach. Me: Is there WiFi? Her: Where? Me: The beach. Her: What?...No. Me: We should see other people.
@iwearaonesie: *runs into the back of wife's leg with the grocery cart for the 5th time* me: We meet agai- wife: Go wait in the car me: Ok