@lmwortho: I'm going to adopt a tapeworm. Perfect pet, cheap to feed, doesn't pee, bark, chew stuff or sit on your head. Best bit, it makes you skinny.
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@mstern68: You can tell which inmates were involved in organized crime because their cells are much neater than other prisoners'
@Instinctivetip: [marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over
@ericONEderful: Apparently this isn't a nude beach. This isn't a beach at all. I'm at Target. Don't do drugs kids.