@lmwortho: I'm going to adopt a tapeworm. Perfect pet, cheap to feed, doesn't pee, bark, chew stuff or sit on your head. Best bit, it makes you skinny.
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@Contwixt: Me- "Sorry I can't" Friend- "Why not?" M- "Working on my book" F- "Neato! What about?" M- "It's a collection of ways to escape obligations"
@GibJimson: If you say "I knew you were going to say that" enough. You can start billing people for psychic readings.
@JoleenDoreen: When you get to Customs and they ask if you have anything to declare, "Thumb War" is not the answer they were looking for.
@cepheusjackson: [GRAND CANYON] WIFE: Isn't this incredible? ME: It's ok. WIFE: Were you expecting a thousand canyons? ME: I don't want to talk about it