@lmwortho: I'm going to adopt a tapeworm. Perfect pet, cheap to feed, doesn't pee, bark, chew stuff or sit on your head. Best bit, it makes you skinny.
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@LagunaBeachPOV: I want a name that can only be written using straight lines, so I'll be changing my name to Wilx Kivz.
@Reverend_Scott: [hospital] "The results are in. I'm afraid you have Bad Priorities Disease. You have 1 month to live." But does my hair look good?
@amethystxmatt: turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left