@lisaxy424: I'm going to bed and my hair looks amazing; I feel like the woman in every mattress commercial.
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@Aspersioncast: Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they're stabbing it? No? How about now?
@Pauly_Miller: If you ever doubt the value of writers, just follow your favorite actor on Twitter.
@ninjadinosaur1: None of my Barbies are speaking to each other because Ken got Skipper pregnant again. You can imagine the tension in my house tonight.
@juliussharpe: I just saw an ad for a bulletproof briefcase. The real question is: why does your briefcase have so many enemies?