@amydillon: I'm going to donate these clothes I don't wear anymore to charity after I drive them around in the trunk of my car for eight months.
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@CheetoBandito77: I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn't reach the cookies in the cupboard.
@halvewit: I think my neighbor is very sick. I have now seen him putting no less than six of his arms in his garbage over the past year.
@rolldiggity: CASHIER: "Did you find everything you were looking for?" ME: "Oh, yes..." [places "How To Murder A Cashier" book on counter]
@harikondabolu: Indian Brothers & Sisters: You know all those awful things Columbus did to the Native Americans? Just remember...HE WAS LOOKING FOR US