@amydillon: I'm going to donate these clothes I don't wear anymore to charity after I drive them around in the trunk of my car for eight months.
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@Book_Krazy: Me: Both of our hamsters died and we just can't part with them Taxidermist: Would you like them mounted? Me: Um no, just holding hands
@_Aynne_: My favorite thing to say when a man offers me a drink is, "Of course I'll have another...I AM drinking for two, after all!"
@AdamWeinstein: "WE HERE AT BIG PHARMA RECOGNIZE THAT WHEN YOU'RE DEPENDENT ON ADDICTIVE OPIOID PAINKILLERS YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM IS YOU CAN'T POOP"
@LindaInDisguise: The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.