@amydillon: I'm going to donate these clothes I don't wear anymore to charity after I drive them around in the trunk of my car for eight months.
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@jonnysun: noah's google search history: "wat is arc" "why would god want circle segment" "arc or ark" "how many animals" "5,000,000 x 2" "is god real"
@iwearaonesie: wife: I was saving that me [eating bacon] It expires today *wife checks package* *sees I crossed out the date and wrote "today"*
@FrogAvalanche: [Jesus plays hide-n-seek] Jesus: [exiting cave] Ah, ya found me! Let's play again. Harder this time. Find me now. [He ascends to Heaven]
@LexReturns: The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements which may or may not have included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later.