I’m going to freeze some of my sperm so that if something goes wrong later in life, I can kill my nemesis with a disgusting icicle.

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Home
Submit
Random
Feedback

If bad ads/pop-ups are redirecting you, please take a screenshot and email it to [email protected]. Help us keep the site clean!

@joejwest: I'm going to freeze some of my sperm so that if something goes wrong later in life, I can kill my nemesis with a disgusting icicle.

117 comments

COMMENTS

@kellyoxford: How do you get a red wine stain off a baby?

591

@BlindChow: Hi, I'd like a salamus sandwich, please. "You mean salami?" No, just a single salamus. "Um ok, anything else on that?" Yes, one pepperonus.

@Michael1979: Important new ad I stuck up in town today. Experts only, please.

455

@Mr_goose007: Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks.

@kerouac741: Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder where you are If you're not so very far After work, let's hit the bar

118

Next → ← Previous

Or a random funny tweet →

Submit a tweet

There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
Submit a Tweet

Funny Tweeter

FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)

Follow us on Twitter

We also retweet all the tweets we post on this site, might as well follow us on Twitter! Follow @funTweeters

Like us on Facebook

And what's more, we post our best tweets in Facebook as well! Like us on Facebook to get a daily dose of Funny Tweeter on your news feed.

COMMENTS

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE