@JohnLyonTweets: I'm going to invent an app that tells you where the nearest bar is with no guy on a stool playing acoustic guitar.
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@ElleOhHell: "Dumb as a bag of hammers" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once.
@spiritusloquens: My fortune cookie: "Like a hair on a bar of soap, you're likely harmless, but regarded as disgusting and nobody likes you..."
@Jenny4ashley: Try explaining to your kid why you're taking a bath with a cucumber then come talk to me about your problems.