@JohnLyonTweets: I'm going to invent an app that tells you where the nearest bar is with no guy on a stool playing acoustic guitar.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JermHimselfish: Sorry I didn't text you back, my hands are sore from karate chopping loaves of bread in half and feeding them to starving children all day.
@librarianfonz: My job is like defeating a final boss in a video game: I spend hours doing it, and when I finally do, it doesn't matter to anyone else.
@NoahJWatkins: "Do you smell the updoc?", I say to my pet bunny. My bunny replies with silence. I know that someday he will say it and I am willing to wait
@Eagle_Vision: You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat, she is probably upset at you.